Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
