I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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