Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
