Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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