i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
