I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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