You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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