I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
is this the sara with the beer cane?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
