Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
this just has baby written all over it
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
