check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
