oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
