That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
