At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Randomize
