My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
