A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
