He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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