my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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