you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
