I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
