gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
