my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
