he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
