Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
