i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We have started to decorate penises.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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