What did I eat last night that was bloody?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
