I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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