I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
