Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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