I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
