oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
