i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
