With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
