Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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