if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
