Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's never too late to be topless.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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