end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
