I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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