Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
