White coat. Heels.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
