:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
