Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
