i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
