Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
