i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
