It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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