i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
