I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I AM VODKA MAN
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize