Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
