shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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