i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
