When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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