why im i the only drunk person in the library?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I smell like Dick and happiness
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
