it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
