we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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