And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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