chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
