i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
