Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
