Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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