if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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