I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
