Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
