Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
