Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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