why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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