you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize