Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
