i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
