So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
