there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
