the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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