how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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