there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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