Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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