When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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