There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
