So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
